I hate getting my car serviced.  Hate it. 

Hate going to the shop.  Hate waiting.  Hate talking to the service person.  Hate finding out how much I owe.  Hate worrying about if they really put the tires back on my car correctly.  Hate wondering if the wheels will fall off while I’m driving home.  You get the picture. 

I have done a lot of mind management in my life about this particular chore and I can get to a more empowered (“I got this!”), grateful (“I’m so thankful for a nice car”), or calm (“I bet it’s more probable that the wheels stay on my car than that they fall off!”) place on most occasions.

It’s still not my favorite thing.   

One of the most memorable things my friend Dina and I learned several years ago while studying positive psychology is that people in midlife need three things to be happy. 

In coaching and in workshops we like to use the imagery of a three-legged table.

The table needs all three legs for it to be functional.

One of the legs is Taking Care of Business:

This includes all the things we have to do to keep a life going – eat, pay bills, take care of kiddos, go to work, change the furnace filter, GET YOUR CAR SERVICED, etc. 

One of them is Solving Problems:

This includes problems of our own making, or problems of other people’s making that sometimes end up in our laps.

And the last leg – are you ready? – is Cultivating a Dream:

CULTIVATING A DREAM.

You have to have all 3. 

Most of us are pretty good at taking care of business and solving problems.  Even business we don’t want to take care of (ahem, servicing cars!) and problems we really don’t want to solve. 

But, after coaching one-on-one for almost 900 hours, I am more convinced now than I was when I learned it that not as many of us are good at cultivating a dream. 

Our tables are wobbly.

And what the heck does Cultivate a Dream mean, anyway? 

The word “cultivate” has many different definitions.  

A few I like are:

• To apply oneself in improving or developing
• To promote or improve growth 
• To acquire, retain, or foster
• To take action to develop and advance development 

Cultivating a dream is giving our brain something to think about and strategize and create and study and do.  Not in a “one more thing to do” way, but in a “I can’t stop thinking about this!” way. 

It  could be a hobby, a field of study, a leisure activity, a place to volunteer, an organization you really want to be a part of, planning some adventure, anything!

The guidelines I give my clients for cultivating a dream are these:

• It has to not feel like homework.
• It has to be compelling enough to regularly pull your brain from the other two table legs.
• It has to bring you a little dose of joy. 
• It has to be something you can get lost in.
• It has to be for you – sometimes ONLY for you. 
• It doesn’t have to be forever – just a dream for right now. 

A sweet niece of mine just found what she wants to cultivate: Making cakes. 

My sister just found a new dream to cultivate: Teaching a religion class online.  

One of my clients just started a clothing line – a dream that a year ago she didn’t even know she had.

I could go on and on.

In one of the greatest movies of our time (I dare you to argue with me!), The Greatest Showman, there is a song – a beautiful song – called Never Enough. 

Yes, it’s a love song.  But I wonder if you can see what I see in the first verse:

“I’m trying to hold my breath

Let it stay this way

Can’t let this moment end

You set off a dream in me

Getting louder now

Can you hear it echoing?”

That’s what it feels like to be compelled. 

I can’t wait to hear about what is ‘echoing’ in you, what loud (or soft) dream you are needing to cultivate. 

And if you need help figuring it out, it would be my honor to help you.

Let’s get a firm leg under that wobbly table.