DUE DILIGENCE.

I remember exactly where we were standing when I handed my dad my hand-written list of calculations.  I was asking him for financial assistance – something that was uncomfortable for me. I needed his help to get into my first condo and I remember my timing for such an ask was not ideal.  I was in his office to show him what I had come up with, my ‘due diligence’ in his words. 

My dad used to talk A LOT about due diligence.  

I’d be asking for his opinion on a choice I had to make – and he’d say “I need to see your due diligence.”  Or I’d be turning in a project or a paper for school – and he’d say “Did you do your due diligence?”  Or, like that day, I’d be asking him to help me purchase something big (or just something big to me) and he’d say “I’ll talk to you about it after you do your due diligence.”  

Dad wanted the results of our due diligence written down and presented to him on paper so that he would know we had spent time and brain power on researching and thinking and assessing.  Only then would he examine our paper or proposal and give us his opinion or okay.  

According to google, due diligence is an investigation, audit, or review performed to confirm facts or details of a matter under consideration.

Investigate: to uncover.

Audit: to examine.

Review: to make judgment.

Recently, I was using my own due diligence process with a client who is stuck on the way she is thinking about her teenage children.  She wants connection with them and is having a hard time getting there. We started by investigating what’s really going on in her brain.  

These are the thoughts we uncovered in our Investigation:

• “My children are not doing things right”
• “They’re not respectful”
• “They only need me when they want something”
• “They never listen”

We then started Auditing those thoughts and examining what they are bringing up for her:

• “They’re not doing it right” brings up frustration for her and then she acts frustrated
• “They’re not respectful” brings up annoyance and then she acts annoyed
• “They only need me when they want something” brings up resentment and then she acts resentful
• “They never listen” brings up resignation and then she acts resigned

Finally, we Reviewed our findings:

Acting from frustration, annoyance, resentment and resignation did not help her to feel more connected to her teenagers, in fact, it disconnected her.  She could fairly quickly see that her current thoughts and emotions were causing her to show up in a way that wasn’t giving her the results for herself she wanted. 

By treating the situation as a process in which due diligence could give us a more observant and aware lens, we were able to unpack those tricky thoughts about her teenagers and start there. 

Such good work. 

Back in my dad’s study and under his watchful eye that day, I didn’t realize the skill he was teaching me.  I was too nervous about whether he was going to say yes.  

He did, by the way, say yes.  And I lived there for 18 really good years.  

I can’t wait to hear about the ways your due diligence is helping you!

And if you’re stuck, I’m here to help.