While waiting to be seated at a restaurant this morning, Darren and I witnessed a dad pull his probably 7-year-old daughter aside from their group, get down on her level, listen to her concern, offer what looked like a solution, and wait for her to nod her appreciative agreement before rejoining their party.
We both loved it.
Darren said, “That looked like something I used to do with my kids – I would get down on my knees at their level to really listen.”
My husband would be the first to tell you that he’s not a perfect father, but I try to argue it with him anyway. Yes, I know I’m biased, but I have seen him parent for several years now – and I have some good evidence that he used attunement parenting before attunement parenting was even a thing.
According to Leanne Trask, “Attunement is the attention we give to the mood and emotional needs of another human being – specifically our children. Attunement parenting focuses on how well a parent recognizes and interprets their child’s needs, moods and emotions in order to respond appropriately.
Attunement is facilitated by attention. In order to accurately interpret another’s emotional or physical needs, one must first be paying attention. If we are attuned to another person, we will have noticed what happened and be able to see the context within which that person’s need is being expressed.”
I worked with a client yesterday who is navigating several taxing circumstances. In the time span of the last few months, she has forgotten how to use attunement with herself. She has not been paying attention.
One solution we came up with is that she might want to find a picture of herself as a little girl and put it somewhere she can see it. It could remind her to listen and respond to that little kid version inside of her – what is that little girl needing, thinking, and feeling? What could that little girl tell her, if the grown-up version of her was paying attention?
If we, like parents who are practicing attunement, got down on our knees and gave attention to our own physical, spiritual, and emotional needs, what could we learn?
I can’t wait to find out!
And if you’re stuck on it, I would love to help.
