During the month of May in 1985, while some of you were merrily going about living your lives, I was going through some serious senior year angst. My dad teased me because before asking permission to attend every event that spring, I would dramatically say to him and my mom, “But it might be the last time I ever see these people!!”
In my case, this would not prove true – as I’ve stayed close to a core group of high school friends. But, this was LONG before FaceTime and instagram and Marco Polo – and it could have been true!
I went to all those dances and ceremonies and goodbye parties knowing in my heart that I would miss those people – but what I didn’t realize then was how much I would miss all the people I was yet to meet in my future.
I didn’t know I would go on to love my college roommates – and then miss them when they were gone. I didn’t know I would love moving to NYC – and miss it terribly when I left. I didn’t know I would love student teaching – so much so that I would cry every day for two weeks when I said goodbye to that first group of ‘kids’. And on and on and on.
“Missing” someone or something is hard to define. But some of the near antonyms for “missing” are cherished, loved, protected, prized, treasured, and valued.
It makes sense why the “missing” hurts.
I was recently working with a client who is in the process of leaving her friend group behind. She is moving on to different adventures in a different city but is stuck on what and who she will be missing out on back home.
We came up with three ideas to help her in the “missing”:
- The fear of missing out on people and things is a normal human emotion – we are tribal people and are innately wired to be part of a group.
- Missing people and the activities they’re involved in means we’re capable of having close relationships – which is such good news!
- We can access some relief by adopting this thought: “I wonder who I’m going to meet in my future that I am yet to miss!” There are all kinds of relationships ahead of us.
I can’t wait to hear about who and what you’ve been missing! And, more importantly, to help you make room for who and what you’re yet to miss.
