I was lucky enough to know and love both of my grandmas, and a step-grandma, before they died.  I don’t take that time, or them, for granted.  

I was also lucky enough to be able to choose a grandma.  The one I chose was named Brownie. 

I met her in 1988 and for 22 years, until her death at age 92, she was my big and tall and slightly sarcastic voice of reason – and I still miss her and her support all. the. time. 

I miss eating sourdough bread and chocolate with her in San Francisco, I miss eating biscuits and gravy with her in Provo, I miss eating chicken fried steak with her in Reno (don’t ask), and I miss eating fancy sandwiches with her at her Country Club in Ione.  

But I also miss sitting on her living room floor in California and working on my lesson plans for a whole summer before I started teaching, I miss the Apple Festival two little towns over from hers, I miss stocking her freezer with chocolate chip cookies made with walnuts from her yard, I miss walking my dog around the horse racing track by her house, and I miss knowing that she would always say what I needed to hear (not, at times, what I wanted to hear). 

One particularly rough July, I headed to her house 13 hours away.  I walked through her screen door just before dinner and as soon as I walked in and put my things in the front guest bedroom, she said something like “Well, out with it.  What’s on your mind?”  

Up until the very end, she offered her support of my plans and decisions, my questions and concerns.  She offered her faith in my abilities and shored up my confidence by talking about her confidence in me. 

Dr. Kristy Ludlow says that true support is confidence plus acceptance.  Not just one or the other.

Instead of “You just have to power through” (confidence only), support says “I know this is hard, but you have power in you to get through it.”

Instead of just “You’re fine” (confidence only), support says “I know it’s really tough now, but I also know you’re going to be okay.” 

Instead of “I get it, it’s not easy for everyone” (acceptance only), support says “I get that it’s hard, but I am 100% sure you can handle it.” 

And instead of “You’ve always been a worrier” (acceptance only), support says, like Brownie did on that July day, “You feel worried, and it’s totally ok to feel that way. You’re really good at ‘doing’ worry.”

So in case you’re needing a dose of Brownie right now, let me say it to you: I believe in you and I see that this is hard for you and yes, you’re going to get through all of it.

I can’t wait to hear about the ways support is showing up for you right now.  (And I kinda hope it has something to do with Reno – I hear they have great chicken fried steak.)