Jon J. Muth tells the story of “two traveling monks who reached a town where there was a young woman waiting to step out of her sedan chair [a portable covered chair that is designed to hold one person and is carried on poles by two people]. The rains had made deep puddles and she couldn’t step down from the chair and across the puddle without spoiling her silken robes. She stood there, looking very cross and impatient. She was scolding her attendants. They had nowhere to place the packages they held for her, so they couldn’t help her across the puddle.

The younger monk noticed the woman, said nothing, and walked by. The older monk quickly picked her up and put her on his back, transported her across the water, and put her down on the other side. She didn’t thank the older monk, she just shoved him out of the way and departed.

As they continued on their way, the young monk was brooding and preoccupied. 

After several hours, unable to hold his silence, he spoke out. ‘That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then she didn’t even thank you!’

‘I set the woman down hours ago,’ the older monk replied. ‘Why are you still carrying her?’”

Boom.

Such a good question. 

Why are you still carrying her?

It’s summer in the northern hemisphere and my clients have been working so hard on deciding on purpose what they’re carrying – and on a lot of letting go.  

• They are letting go of resentments and poor body images and anxiety that has held them back.  
• They are letting go of uncommitted boyfriends and unrealistic expectations and things they can’t control. 
• They are letting go of judgments and grudges and unproductive productivity. 
• And – since it’s summer – they are letting go of strict bedtimes and stricter calorie counting and rushing around and the false dictates of social media. 

They are also doing a lot of holding on.

• They are holding on to goals for their future selves.
• They are holding on to relationships that can be made better by their own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
• They are holding on to things about themselves they love and are proud of.
• And they are holding on to summer sunsets and fire pit s’mores and reading books and beautiful early mornings.

In the words of Henry Ellis, “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”

The issue is finding that fine mingling.

And how do we do that?

Alissa Finerman advises that we pause and do an honest assessment by asking the following:

1. What are you holding on to?

2. Does it have a positive or negative impact on your life?

3. If you had no constraints, could you turn that something you are holding on to into something positive? 

4. If so, what would it be? 

5. If not, what is holding you back from letting it go?

I can’t wait to hear about what you decide to intentionally hold on to and what you decide to no longer carry.  And if you need help with it, I would be honored.  Let’s talk – preferably over a s’more. 

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