24 years ago, the 2002 Winter Olympics were hosted in Salt Lake City. At the time I was living just one block from the torch route. It was a big deal and so exciting and many people in my life – myself included – were so caught up in the grandeur of such a fascinating world-wide event coming to our very own city.
I decided to invite some friends and family to come watch the torch run by and then walk back to my little condo for cookies and hot chocolate.
It ended up being a really wet and snowy and slushy day – which was great for the Olympics and not so great for me.
The front door of my little 820-square-foot home opened right into my wall-to-wall carpeted living room. And do you know what wet snow and slushy mud don’t mix great with? Carpet.
After that fun and exciting and wet and cocoa-filled evening, I went to bed so happy that we had witnessed a little history and that I was able to host such a group of people I loved.
And I woke up the next morning to carpeting that was stained beyond repair.
Recently I read a post from someone I follow about an incident that happened in her home. A huge pipe had broken and destroyed much of her main floor. Someone in her life had asked her “Well, what does this make possible?” And I just love that.
What does this make possible.
For this person I follow, it made a whole home makeover possible.
It reminded me of that night after the torch run. And my stained carpet.
At that point I had lived in that space for 6 years and hadn’t changed much about it since I’d moved in.
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on mindset shows that the questions we ask after a setback matter just as much as the setback itself.
When we ask questions that narrow our view – Why did this happen to me? – our thinking contracts.
When we ask questions that open the field – What does this make possible? – we access more options, more agency, more movement.
Want to locate some leverage on a setback you’re currently facing?
Try this:
Grab a piece of paper.
Draw two columns.
On the left, name the thing that feels ruined, broken, disappointing, or unwanted.
On the right, write: “What does this make possible?”
You might be surprised by what you come up with.
Having to replace that carpet (with much more durable flooring!) made some changes possible that helped me eventually make a home that felt so much more like me.
I can’t wait to hear about what your setbacks are making possible for you! And if you need help seeing it, I’d really love to talk. Maybe after the Olympics.
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PS If you liked this post – or any others, I’d love you to pass me and my work on to a friend. They can find out much more about me here if they’re interested!
