I’m sure there are so many examples of this, but both of mine have to do with Diet Coke.
(Insert your own questioning hands emoji here. I don’t mean for Diet Coke to show up in so many of my stories — but here we are.)
First example:
If you’ve been on a plane anytime in the last several years, you’ve probably noticed that the flight attendant brings your Diet Coke in a plastic or paper cup. Which is great. And so nice of them. And also annoying — because there just aren’t enough sips in that small cup.
One flight I said something to Darren about wishing that weren’t so, and he said, “Just ask them to bring you a cup with ice — and the can of Diet Coke.”
WHAT?? You can do that?
Yes. Yes, you can.
I can’t believe I never thought I could ask for that.
Second example:
There’s a restaurant we regularly frequent that has really good Diet Coke. Tall glass (like a real glass), lots of ice. I’ve been there many, many times. On one of our more recent visits, the server, when dropping off the check, asked if I’d like a Diet Coke to go.
Yes. Yes, I would.
I can’t believe I never thought I could ask for that.
This week, after having an experience where I should have done a much better job asking for what I wanted, I started wondering: What else do we not even know we can ask for?
Here are some examples:
- To take a photo and then ask to take another one — this time with our good side.
- For a printed receipt, even if no one else is asking.
- For a little help carrying something, even if we “look like we’ve got it.”
- To trade chairs at dinner — this one’s wobbly or we’re facing the AC vent.
- To be celebrated without the whole birthday party.
- To change our mind about plans — even if we were the one who made them.
- For the fan to be turned on in the room just because the air is too stagnant and we’re hot.
Or, asks that go a little deeper:
- To not be called a nickname we’ve outgrown.
- For the thing to be repeated, again, even if everyone else already understood.
- To switch sides of the bed even after years of sleeping on the other one.
- For a redo on how something was said, not just what was said.
- For someone to check in on us.
- To go first. Or to go last. Or to not go at all.
- To not be hugged. Or to be hugged tighter.
I don’t know when we decided those kinds of asks were too much. That it’s better not to ask for what we really want.
Maybe we never decided — we just absorbed it somewhere.
In my dad’s later years, one of his favorite answers was “Reasonable.” And I used to tease him that Reasonable was such a “sad” word.
How was dinner, Dad? “Reasonable.”
How did you sleep? “Reasonable.”
Did you like the movie? “It was reasonable.”
How are you feeling today? “Reasonable.”
Is that our benchmark? Reasonable?
The definition of unreasonable is this:
Beyond the limits of acceptability. Not guided by reason.
I’ve decided that former lawyer and professional poker player Cate Hall is going to be one of my new gurus.
She puts it this way:
“Ask for things. Ask for things that feel unreasonable, to make sure your intuitions about what’s reasonable are accurate (of course, try not to be a jerk in the process).
If you’re only asking for things you get, you’re not aiming high enough.”
If you’re only asking for things you get, you’re not aiming high enough.
Oof.
Do you want to aim a little higher with me?
I bet we can find a few things that are far beyond “reasonable.”
I can’t wait to hear about it.
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