Several years ago, my brother and his wife were moving back to our home state after some schooling. I was standing with our Dad on his long driveway while my brother tried to back a huge moving trailer into it – straight and clean.  

He was struggling a bit to get it into position. 

I looked at Dad.

Dad looked at me.

I asked Dad, “Should you help him?” 

“I don’t want him to think that I think he needs help,” he replied.

I suffered through my brother’s struggle for a few more minutes and then I walked to the driver’s side of the truck, having decided to ask my brother what he needed. But right as he saw me, and before I could say anything, he said – exasperated – “Why isn’t he helping me???” 

Recently, in preparation for writing this post, I was talking to my brother about that story. I told him I was amused at the miscommunication. Dad was thinking my brother would be offended at being offered help and my brother was totally thinking something else. Ha ha ha.

But my brother told me I was missing the whole point about why he was exasperated.  

He said that on that day, for some reason, Dad failed to follow his own trailer-backing protocol that he had ingrained into his kids: Always have a person in back of you to guide the trailer in.  

What my Dad knew – in that time before backup cameras! – was that when we’re in the driver’s seat, our focus narrows. We can’t see what’s behind us – or even how close we are to hitting something. That’s why his rule was to always have someone who stands behind the trailer, offering perspective we don’t have.

Sometimes we need an outside view.

Getting advice or counsel from someone outside a situation is helpful to us for several reasons.

Here are some of mine:

• Objectivity and Neutrality: An external party is free from the emotional attachments, personal biases, and history that can cloud our judgment when we’re directly involved. This neutrality allows the outside person to see the facts more clearly.

• A Fresh Perspective: We can sometimes become “stuck” in a certain way of thinking or a familiar pattern. An outsider brings a new set of experiences and a different frame of reference, which can lead to innovative solutions or approaches that we previously overlooked.

• Reduced Emotional Bias: High-stakes or interpersonal situations often involve strong emotions like anger, fear, love, or loyalty. An external advisor is emotionally detached, enabling a more rational and level-headed analysis.

• Greater Focus on the Big Picture: Those of us within a problem might get bogged down in the minute details and immediate stress. An outsider can help us zoom out and refocus on the core issues, long-term perspective, and overall context.

• Candor and Impartiality: Our closest advisors may be hesitant to deliver harsh truths for fear of hurting our feelings or damaging their relationship with us. A more detached voice can be brutally honest and provide necessary, albeit difficult, feedback because they have less personal stake in the outcome. 

In essence, an external perspective acts as a neutral mirror, reflecting the situation without distortion and helping us make more informed, balanced, and rational decisions. 

Sometimes we just need someone who isn’t gripping the wheel to tell us we’re doing fine – or that we’re about to clip the mailbox.

I can’t wait to hear about an area of your life right now where you feel a little like you’re “backing up blind.” You just might benefit from a steady voice outside the truck – a mentor, advisor, or, yep, a coach.


PS If you’re a friend, or friend of a friend, or a loyal reader who hasn’t yet worked with me one-on-one as a client, I would really love the opportunity to show you a perspective on whatever you’re working through that you haven’t yet heard. It’s the New Year! I’d love to be part of yours.