I know this might come as a surprise (kidding!) but I’ve never been in a fist fight. 

I have come close though. 

I worked with some tough and powerful and big-hearted kids early in my career – and they’re still tough and powerful and big-hearted.  

One day about a year into my high school teaching job, a couple of my seniors started arguing in my room 15 feet from where I was standing.  The conflict went from 0-60 super fast and before I knew what was happening, punches were being thrown.  In my best and biggest teacher voice I yelled (and I never yell), “Hey! That is NOT happening here!!” and I meant it.  

I quickly covered the steps across the classroom and was about to be right in the middle of the fight when a big, strong, blonde boy named Colt saw where I was headed and stepped swiftly in front of me, pulling one boy off the other. 

And I knew, immediately, that he did it to protect me from ending up as collateral damage in that fight.  

When I sincerely thanked him later, he said, “Of course, I’ll always have your back.”  And I believed him. 

Colt was demonstrating his loyalty.  

Loyalty is defined in the dictionary as “unswerving in allegiance.”

Each of us could name several things or people or brands to which we are loyal.  

According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy: “Arguably, the test of loyalty is conduct rather than the intensity of feeling, primarily a certain ‘stickingness’ or perseverance—the loyal person acts for or stays with or remains committed to the object of loyalty even when it is likely to be disadvantageous or costly to the loyal person to do so.”

Colt could have been hit in protecting me.  He did it, anyway. 

We can be unswerving in our allegiance to others, even when it’s hard and disadvantageous, and yet a lot of us still have a really hard time being loyal to ourselves. Turns out, it’s hard to have our own backs. 

How can we do it better?  Great question. 

I heard the phrase “wisely loyal” from somewhere a while back and it stuck with me as perhaps something I want to ascribe to.  

So, in that spirit, here are some ideas adapted for you on how to be Wisely Loyal to Yourself:

1. Listen to yourself with interest
2. Appreciate your wins
3. Sympathize with your losses
4. Encourage yourself
5. Support yourself
6. Respect yourself
7. Commit with dogged loyalty to your own welfare
8. Be a faithful ally to yourself
9. Have compassion for yourself
10. See the good in yourself
11. Recognize what is best for you
12. Stay alert for threats
13. Give to others
14. Be curious about your own thoughts and feelings
15. See the big picture 
16. Take the long view
17. Commit to your true interests
18. Have a strong sense of your own value
19. Be aware of both your vulnerability AND your preciousness
20. Stay open to your own intuition
21. Trust your own style and preferences

Amaya Pryce says “When you’re loyal to yourself—when you know and like yourself, honor your own feelings, and show up in an authentic way—it only makes you better able to love others as well.”

Be loyal to ourselves AND be better able to love others as well?  I’m in. 

I can’t wait to hear about how self-loyalty is going for you.  And if you need help with it, I’m your gal.

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PS   A sad post-script to this one.  I looked up Colt hoping to message him to make sure it was ok to tell this story.  I found out he died 6 years ago at the age of 34 – almost the exact age I was when the fight I mentioned took place.  I cried tonight reading his unexpected obituary.  I will always appreciate his loyalty and protection.  And I’m sure he left many people missing it.  

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