This morning I asked Darren to flip my fried eggs for me because 1) I wanted my yolks to remain intact, 2) I was too scared I would break them, and 3) he is notoriously much, much better than me at anything having to do with the stove.  (The oven I have mastered – but the stove is a whole other thing.) 

Well, he was too tired, the pan was too big, the eggs were too stuck – but he did it for me, anyway.  And made a mess of it. The yolks were definitely NOT intact. We both burst out laughing. 

I could be writing this to tell you that I ate the eggs anyway and they were actually better than I expected with a hard yolk (they were!), or that things sometimes turn out better than you think they will (they do!), but I’m actually writing this to tell you something about the laughing. 

I was working with a client this week who is dating someone seriously.  In telling me some of the things she really likes about this particular guy, she ended with, “And he’s funny. He always makes me laugh.”

She has had her share of dating in her adult life and like me, has a bit of a naturally fearful personality.  We talked for a bit about why laughing matters to her.  What we came up with is that laughing with him helps her get out of her own head.

Bingo.

The type of laughter she was (unknowingly) referring to is called “de-escalative laughter”.  When a calm, centered, self-assured person can get a laugh out of a person feeling anxious or unsafe it can de-escalate the fear or anxiety. 

In a quote to the Cleveland Clinic, who quoted her, Dr. Grace Tworek says “Letting out a good laugh makes you feel more relaxed because it disarms your nervous system. If you think about a moment when you were finding humor in life, it can be like nothing else mattered but that genuine joy that you were feeling.”

Naveed Saleh says that “de-escalative laughter relieves discomfort and dissipates the stress in a room. For instance, laughing at a… joke signifies that no offense was taken and is meant to assuage social interactions. It also signifies to others that it is okay to laugh, and the environment is non-threatening.”

There are a million reasons why laughter is healthy – and those reasons matter.  But for me, and my in-the-thick-of-dating client, the non-threatening environment it creates is at the top of the list. 

Making sure that laughing is a part of your everyday life can de-escalate distressing emotions over the long term and connect you with people in the short term.  That is a pretty fruitful pay-off for something that also feels great. 

So, aside from keeping Darren around, what do I suggest?

Try thinking about laughter as a lifestyle, rather than a prescription, Dr. Tworek says.  “Even just taking a moment to reflect on things that bring you joy can be a good place to start.” 

Tanya J. Peterson explains, “Although there are no quick fixes for anything in life, remarkably, a good laugh can instantly begin to reduce … nasty stress hormones that are intertwined with anxiety. Laughter gets to work immediately, and a regular ‘diet’ of laughter continues to decrease anxiety over time.”

Peterson goes on to say, “When we embrace humor and give ourselves a chance to be a little bit lighter for even a short while each day, we shift our focus. Rather than seeing the world within and without as a worrisome place, we start to see it as a good, safe, perhaps even fun, place. we start to see beyond the anxiety. Sure, the anxiety lingers for a while, but every time we can laugh we loosen it’s a stronghold.

Introducing intentional laughter into our lives decreases stress hormones. Breathing deeply during the act of laughing relaxes muscles. Thinking about something funny shifts our focus to new things. Embracing humor regularly helps our outlook become more positive. Humor and laughter diminish anxiety.”

I can’t wait to hear about how you’re adding laughter into your daily ‘diet’ and the way it is helping you de-escalate distressing emotions. And if you need help with it, let’s do some laughing together. 

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