I lived the first eight years of my life in a suburb of North Western Minneapolis called Golden Valley.  I’m proud to tell people that Minnesota air was the first air I breathed. 

My dad was recruited to the University of Minnesota early in his career, and 5 of the 11 kids in my family – starting with me – were born there. 

I’m sure there were some advantages to being so far away from family at the time, but my mom and dad are both the oldest in their respective families, and had just moved their children away from 2 sets of California grandparents. 

So, every Christmas for those 8 years – EVERY CHRISTMAS – my mom and dad would pack up a trailer full of gifts and a car full of 4, then 5, then 6, then 7 children and drive – straight through – for almost 36 hours to get to Los Angeles 2000 miles away.   

It is literally unfathomable to me how my mom and dad pulled this off.  All the gifts.  All the kids.  All the belongings.  All the driving.  All the states.  All the snow storms.  All that way.  

Their sacrifice was not appreciated by me at the time – I was too little to understand.  But their sacrifice is SO appreciated by me now.  And I’m guessing my siblings would say the same. 

Jenny Stuart says “Children benefit from the sacrificial examples of their parents. As recipients of their parents’ sacrifices, they also learn how to sacrifice. In this way, sacrifice makes it more likely for family members to reciprocate good behaviors. The result is a more generous, hospitable home atmosphere.”

Jenny goes to say that “sacrifice is less of an action than it is a process of becoming. So although the following suggestions may help, remember that sacrificing requires a change of heart, and not just a change of behavior.”  Please allow me to combine my words with hers. 

Sacrificial Speech: Sometimes sacrifice means biting our tongues. When our partners or children make a negative remark, we don’t have to respond unkindly. Instead, we could select a calm and caring reply. This is sometimes called accommodation or editing.

Sacrificial Stance: Researchers recommend that rather than focusing on how our family members can change, we should shift our attention to something that we have more control over, such as how we can bless them. 

Sacrificial Sight: We can change our hearts by changing our perspective. Researchers suggest that we could focus on the things that we want to create in our relationships rather than things that we want to avoid. We can work to see family members’ needs and interests as important as our own, and notice their strengths rather than their weaknesses.

Sacrificial Savoir-Faire: Savoir-faire can be defined as the ability to act with grace and tact. Sometimes this requires sacrifice. We can work to choose our battles wisely and be willing to set aside personal interests when they conflict with couple or family well-being.

A 1997 study showed that sacrifice is a willingness to “forego immediate self-interest to promote the well-being of a partner or relationship.”

I will never really understand what my mom and dad sacrificed to get us to California every year.  

But I will forever treasure those holidays with my sweet grandparents – all of whom had died by the time I graduated from college.  And I will forever treasure those cross-country drives and countless road trips with my siblings – all of whom I consider my very best friends.  

Are we closer because of the sacrifice of my parents?  I could make a really good case for that being true. 

I can’t wait to hear about the sacrifices that have impacted – and changed – YOU! And if you’re having trouble seeing them, I’d love to help.

Merry, Merry Christmas!