I grew up with a Dad who placed a high value on his credibility.  

He was a renowned physician, researcher, speaker, and administrator – and a son, brother, husband, dad, uncle, grandpa, friend, and disciple of Jesus.  Was he able to be all of those things because other people – and God – trusted him? Absolutely.  But I would argue that he was able to be all those things first because of the credibility he had built with himself.  It is the thing that positively impacted his life over and over and over again.  

American psychologist Tony Simons argues that when we are deciding whether to trust someone, we are first making a judgment of someone’s behavioral integrity, based on their past actions.  From there, we decide on their credibility and anticipate their future behavior.

It looks like this:

1. What did they say in the past?
2. Did their actions align with their words?

(Perceived integrity)

1. Do I think they are a good person?

(Perceived benevolence)

1. Do I think they can actually get the thing done?

(Perceived competence)

1. Do I think they will keep or break their word?

(Perceived honesty)

To strengthen our credibility with others, we make sure that our deeds align with our words. We do what we say we are going to do.  We show up.  We keep our promises.  We be where we say we are going to be, when we say we’re going to be there. 

I’ll meet you at 6 am at the park for our walk. Done.

I’ll have the report to you by end of day.  Done.

I’ll keep my doctor appointment for my daughter tomorrow morning. Done.

I’ll show up for our zoom meeting on Thursday.  Done.

I’ll bring dinner to your family at 5:30 pm.  Done.

So WHY do we have such a hard time showing up for ourselves?  Why do a lot of us continually NOT do what we say we are FOR SURE going to do for or with ourselves.  Why is it so easy to let ourselves down?

I’m going to get 7 hours of sleep EVERY night! Nope.

Maybe tomorrow – I just wanted to watch that show.

I’m going to read EVERY day!  Nope.

The dishes needed to be done – isn’t that more important?

I’m going to LIMIT my social media! Nope. 

It felt so relaxing to just sit there and scroll.

I’m going to devote TIME this week to my project!  Nope.

My neighbor really needed help – that seemed like the better thing to do.

I’m going to treat myself tomorrow to some time just for ME!  Nope.

I really needed to answer that phone call. 

And on and on and on.

The opposite of ‘credible’ sheds some light on what we’re actually doing when we ‘lie’ to ourselves about what we say we’re going to do:

• Discredit
• Dishonor
• False
• Unlikely
• Doubtful
• Uncertain

How do we fix it, then?  How do we gain some credibility with ourselves? The kind of credibility that will positively impact our lives. The kind of credibility that allows us to trust ourselves.

One way is to stop telling ourselves we’re going to do things we’re really not going to do. 

And to start telling ourselves the truth.

• I’m going to be READY for bed at 11:00 pm tonight, even if I’m not ready to go to sleep.
• I’m going to find something to read for fun, something that makes it EASY for me to be excited about reading.
• I’m going to set a timer when I’m scrolling. And when it goes off, I will decide IF I want to continue scrolling.
• I’m going to put off the project and admit to myself that now is NOT the time to work on it – as much as I wish it was.
• I’m going to make sure that I get some time for me this week – even if it doesn’t LOOK like I thought it would.

Do what you say you are going to do – for yourself.

Keep your promises – to yourself.

Show up – for yourself. 

Earn your own credibility.

You will start to feel the deep down reassurance that comes from being someone you actually trust.  I promise.

And I can’t wait to hear all about it.

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