My friend Emily has worked in the bar industry for almost 20 years. She has worked in a half a dozen different bars and knows more about bar culture than anyone I know.

At 5’ 2” and less than 100 lbs. soaking wet, you would not look at her and think that she could break up a fight or reprimand a customer who’s been cut off.  You would be wrong. 

But what makes Emily truly successful in her job is not either of those things.  What makes Emily so successful is the way she treats her customers.  

Emily has a knack for reading the emotional energy of her customers and adjusting her presence accordingly. If someone comes in tired or frustrated or mad, she might offer a calm demeanor to help soothe them. Not only that, she will jump to their ‘side’ and validate their feelings. “He said that to you? Are you kidding me?? Of course you’re mad! Let me get working on that sandwich you love and you can tell me all about it.”  If someone is celebrating, she has a way of amplifying their joy with enthusiasm. “Oh my gosh!! You’re turning 50??? Happy Birthday!! I’m so glad you’re here.” 

This ability Emily has to adapt helps people in her purview feel seen and known and cared for.

Emotional contagion is the idea that our emotions and energy are “contagious,” spreading to others through subtle cues like tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. When someone radiates warmth, calm, enthusiasm, or positivity, the people around them naturally begin to mirror those feelings. Emily embodies this concept, and it’s likely one of the reasons her regulars are so loyal – they’re not just coming for drinks, they’re coming for how she helps them feel.

Of course, emotional contagion can work both ways. Just as Emily’s warmth and positive energy can elevate others, negative emotional energy can spread quickly too. A single customer’s frustration or bad mood has the potential to ripple through the room, impacting everyone else. Emily’s skill is in amplifying the good AND diffusing the bad. Her ability to recognize and redirect negative energy is also what keeps the atmosphere in her bar welcoming and positive.

VeryWellMind reminds us that most people would love to manage the negative and harness the positive aspects of emotional contagion. Good or bad, they say, there are steps you can take to manage your reactions.

1. Figure out what actions, verbal and nonverbal, are making you respond. Do you like the way they make you feel? If not, you are now aware of what to look out for.
2. Stop for a moment and process what’s going on. Then take a deep breath. Use your body to your advantage. Your body tells your mind that everything is going to be okay. And your body and your mind start to center together.
3. Practice being empathetic to others. Working from a place of compassion may allow you to remain clear and detached, as opposed to absorbing someone else’s emotions. 
4. Create an environment that brings out the best in you. That includes being in the company of people who put you at ease and make you comfortable.
5. Work on using coping methods that work for you.  Use coping strategies such as deep breathing, visualization, and cognitive restructuring when in uncomfortable situations.

Figure out what’s making you respond.

Stop and process the emotion.

Practice empathy.

Create (as much as possible) your ideal environment.

And work on personalizing your coping mechanisms.

I can’t wait to hear about all of it. And if you need help with any of it, let’s talk! Maybe over a diet coke at Emily’s bar. 😉 

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