We’ve all heard the statement attributed to Teddy Roosevelt that says “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

And I agree.  

Kind of. 

There are a ton of reasons why comparing ourselves to others is unfair to us – especially because we tend to compare the worst in ourselves and our lives to what we perceive to be the best in someone else and theirs. 

But today I’m going to argue that comparison can actually be useful – especially if it’s in the form of envy.  Let me explain.

My friend Colby is currently – like right now – in a huge sailboat, sailing around the British Virgin Islands.  The picture he shared a few days ago is the cover photo of this post.  (And no, I didn’t ask permission because, as I mentioned, he’s SAILING.)  

Now, some of you reading this are envious of Colby. Sailing? In the sunshine? On a beautiful big boat? Around the British Virgin Islands? Yes, Please!  

Those of you that are envious might be comparing your life to Colby’s.  (He does have a pretty great life.)  But here is the reason that is actually good news:

You now know something you want.  

It might not be the exact experience he’s having that brings up envy but it could be the freedom, or the travel, or the place, or the boat, or the sunshine, etc.  Good information. 

And loosening it up in this way allows you to be happy for Colby AND to move forward in the direction of your wants and wishes.  

The folks at GoodTherapy report that, “although envy is typically considered to be a negative—and …potentially harmful—emotion, it can actually have some positive consequences. The experience of envy can be motivating, for example. If envy drives an individual to achieve and obtain more, it can be useful in the pursuit of career or educational [or personal] success. Similarly, researchers believe envy may have an evolutionary purpose – it makes people want and ultimately strive to obtain necessary resources.”

Some of the rest of us are definitely not envious of Colby.  Sailing? In the scary, dark, deep, wide open sea? With fish? And waves? And did I mention DEEP?? No, please, please, NO.  

Again, good news!  We know something we don’t want. We get to just be happy for him. 

Envious of that friend of yours going back to school?  Yea!  What is it about her situation you want?  To study? A degree? Some time to pursue something for yourself? 

Work toward it – AND be happy for her.

Envious of the money your brother just spent at the Nordstrom sale? Yea!  What is it about his spending that you want?  Discretionary money? A few new wardrobe pieces? A day to shop?  

Make it happen for you – AND be happy for him. 

You get the idea. 

I find myself getting excited when I feel a little envious nowadays.  “Oh good!” I tell myself. “There must be something in their situation that I want!”

I can’t want to hear about the things you’re envying.  And if you need help working towards them, I’m here to help.