The author Brad Stulberg recently wrote that “The Arrival Fallacy was first coined by the behavioral scientist Tal Ben-Shahar.

It describes the commonly held illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, whatever it may be, we will achieve lasting happiness and fulfillment. 

But this simply is not true. 

We are wired to want more — it’s the result of millennia of evolution, of living amidst scarcity for most of our species’ collective history. 

We are suckers for the chase and [we] struggle to be content, at least for any significant duration, with the reward.” 

We struggle to be content with the reward.

And what if the reward is ….. Laundry.  Clean and fluffy and properly folded Laundry.

My client was convinced that if all the laundry could just be done and put away she would allow herself to feel accomplished for the day. 

Sometimes, thanks to that darn Arrival Fallacy, we mistakenly think that if we DO all the things and get the RESULTS we want, then we are allowed to FEEL happy, better, proud, accomplished, you name it. 

But we mostly get it backwards. 

Allowing ourselves to FEEL happy and better and proud and accomplished all along the way, and then DOING all the things from those emotions, does get us the RESULTS we want.  And even better, it gets us to view ourselves differently in the process.

In the example of the the laundry it looks like this:

Instead of the thought “I’ll feel better when the laundry is done” (letting the results produce the feeling – only when we’ve “arrived”), what if we try the thought “I’m the type of person that keeps up on the laundry” (letting the feeling of that identity fuel the action – and enjoying the entire process a whole lot more). 

The actual result of finished laundry becomes a bonus!

• What does that type of person do?
• What habits do they have?
• What kind of routines are in place for them?
• What choices do they make?
• How do they talk to themselves?

In Atomic Habits, James Clear says, “If we repeat small behaviors day after day, our choices compound into major results.” He also says, “You can’t get too attached to one version of your identity. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity.”

If that’s true, our job is to expand our identity – long before we’ve arrived.  Small behaviors.  Every day.  And watch ourselves – and our identities – transform. 

My client is now the type of woman who keeps up on the laundry.  I can’t wait to hear about the identity that is fueling your action and how it’s helping you be more content with your results.  And if you need help with any of it, I’m here for you.  

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