One of my favorite things to coach about is resentment.  And my favorite definition of resentment comes from the Cambridge Dictionary: “A feeling of anger because you have been forced to accept something you do not like.”

Isn’t that a good description?

We could – and probably will – talk A LOT about resentment here, but for now, I want to focus on two simple questions you can ask yourself when you feel resentment start creeping in.  

Ready?

“What need of mine is not being met? AND (the most important part) How can I meet it?” 

We think we’re resentful because that friend is taking advantage of our kindness, or we have to make dinner every night alone, or our brother got the trip we always wanted, or our mother-in-law won’t tend the kids, or (fill in the blank!). 

The good news is, it’s not our friends or our partners or our brothers or our mothers-in-law who are responsible for our needs – or our resentment.  

We are resentful because of us. And that means we can stop feeling resentment any time we want. 

We can tell ourselves the truth. 

We can say no to the friend, we can order dinner or have cereal if we really want, we can save for the trip of our dreams, and we can find someone else to tend the kids. 

I know it’s not that simple, but it kind of is.  

What need of yours is not being met?  How can you meet it?

My friend at school has a 13 year old daughter.  One evening a couple weeks ago, my friend walked upstairs to her kitchen to find her daughter enjoying a boba tea and a brownie from a restaurant a ways away from their house.  

“How did you get that?” my friend asked. 

“I really wanted it, so I had UberEats deliver it,” the daughter responded.

When her mom questioned her with an accusatory tone,  “With whose credit card??”, the daughter simply answered with this:

“Well, I used the Amazon gift card I got for Christmas to order an UberEats gift card.  And I used that gift card to order food and have it delivered.”

Sure enough, when my friend checked their Amazon account, things had transpired exactly as the daughter had said.  

My favorite part of the story? In the message line for the UberEats gift card, the daughter had written “Way to go me!”

That girl knows how to take care of her own needs. 

I can’t wait to hear how you are taking care of yours. 

And if you need some ideas, I’m here to help.