We often think that readiness is what we need to achieve before something good can happen. We try to “get ready” for school or a trip, a job or a move, love, success, healing, etc.. But readiness alone doesn’t always lead to fulfillment – because timing matters just as much.

There’s a term in ancient Greek philosophy called kairos – the opportune moment. It’s different from chronos (the sequential passage of time). Kairos suggests that certain things unfold when the moment is “ripe,” not just when we feel prepared.

I met Darren exactly one week after my 21st birthday. He was smart and quick and so intimidating to me. We were both doing church service and lived in the same area for only 3 months but worked together closely and became fast friends. I relied on him for insight and direction and missed him terribly when he was transferred to a city an hour away. 6 months after that he had finished his service and moved back home and by then I had realized how much I truly loved him. His letters confirmed he loved me, too. I was bewildered and comforted by his admission – and, honestly, scared to let his words seep too deep. 

By the time we lived in the same city again, the timing was off and it was too late to play catch up. He had fallen in love with someone else, and after some really sad and really hard conversations, he chose to marry her. Case closed.   

I had to move on.

I went to school. I loved my family. I spent time with friends. I worked on my interests. I loved other people. I was asked to marry. I said no. I got a real grown-up job. I went to more school. I bought a house. I got a dog. I spent more time with friends. I worked on more interests. I loved more people. And so on and so on. 

And I missed Darren. All the time. 

15 years later, I found out he had divorced. I couldn’t believe it. 

He called me and we talked for 3 hours.  

My heart told me this was our 2nd chance.  

A year into dating each other again, and amidst a lot of love, we both knew it wasn’t our 2nd chance.  He was 100% focused on his 3 sweet, sweet kids.  Kids who, over the last year, I had grown to love. 

He was not choosing to marry me. Case closed. 

Again. 

He would have still remained friends but I asked him to please let me get over him. 

I taught school. I loved my family. I spent time with friends. I worked on my interests. I bought another house. I got more dogs. I got a new job. I spent more time with friends. I worked on more interests. I loved other people. And so on and so on. 

And I missed Darren. And his kids. All the time. 

On his birthday. On my birthday. On the kids’ birthdays. On Saturdays. On holidays. Every. Day.  

I was the saddest I’ve ever ever ever been. 

And yes, I had to move on. I could not watch him marry someone else – again.

Ten years later – yes, TEN – and in a grocery I never went to, I saw him and literally froze. He didn’t see me. I left my cart in the middle of the store and went home. I didn’t tell anyone.  

But boy did I think about it. 

And a few months after that, while sitting at my kitchen table working on school stuff, I suddenly – and uncharacteristically – decided to text him. I didn’t second guess myself or overthink it, I just did it. Out of the clear blue sky.

“Is this Darren?”

“Yes, who is this?”

“It’s Sally.”

“Hahahaha! Really?”

We decided on that day to be friends. Just friends. He said he wasn’t getting married again.  I said ok.  

“I just want you back in my life,” I said. And I meant it. 

“Ok,” he said. “Me, too.”

I knew then and there that my only job was to love him. Just love him. It’s been the best job I’ve ever had. 

The rest, as they say, is history. Almost three years after that, he decided maybe marrying me wouldn’t be so bad. It was the easiest yes of my life. 

His ex-wife is kind enough to share the grandkids with me, and those 3 sweet (adult!) kids and their partners – are now people I get to love forever.  

I thought I was ready for Darren twice over those years, and maybe I was. But readiness alone wasn’t enough. What I needed – what we both needed – was the right moment. Kairos. And that moment couldn’t happen until we had both lived the lives we were meant to live. 

There were days when the timing for sure felt like a punishment. It wasn’t. It was the key to making sure we could show up for each other as the best versions of ourselves. We had things to learn apart that we probably wouldn’t have learned together.  

And the fact that I now get to do my learning with him? Well, just like when he first told me he loved me, it’s something I still find bewildering and comforting.  

It was always him. And the timing finally lined up.

I am a lucky girl.  

Turns out the third time really is the charm. 

I can’t wait to hear about how you’re readying yourself for when your timing is right – for school, for that job, for love, for healing, for your version of success.  And if you’re in the middle of your waiting season, I’d love to help you see the growth happening there and cheer you on until your moment comes.

PS Happy Valentine’s Day! 

PPS You would not believe how much I had to Venmo him to get permission to use this story. 

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