In the house in which most of my siblings and I grew up, there was a long straight hall in between my parent’s room and my dad’s study.  The hallway had dark brown short shag carpet, two electrical outlets, one picture of Jesus, 6 doors, and an attic access on the ceiling.  Does it sound like I am strangely familiar with that hallway?  Yah. I am. 

There were 7 of us in the ‘middle’ of the 11 children and we grew up as a group – we also sometimes got in trouble as a group.  

Dad, the actual father of my OCD tendencies, had some pretty big OCD tendencies of his own.  As such, he could drive into the garage and immediately notice if something in the garage or his office was awry or missing or messed with.  EVERY time.  

He would ask us “Hey, one of my hammers is gone?  Who’s got it?” or “Who spray painted something without putting a cloth down?” or “Who nicked the wall with that door?” or a gazillion other things one of us may have done.

And here is where my relationship with the hallway comes in. 

If no one fessed up to being the culprit, anyone who was home was sent to ‘sit in the hall’ til the trouble maker or thief made him or herself known.  

So there we were, 7 of us from ages 4-16, sitting on the floor in the hall.

Usually (and by ‘usually’ I mean at least half the time – according to my recollection) it was Marty.  And because of that, he earned the name ‘Mr. Nobody’. 

Marty was smack dab in the middle of us middle kids. He was to blame enough of the time that it became easy for the rest of us to blame him the rest of the time.  “Oh, I don’t know, Dad. It must have been Marty!”, “I think I saw Marty using that!”, “Dang it, do you think it could have been Marty?”

Christine Comaford says “Stuff happens, and sometimes we need to do a quick ‘pattern-interrupt’ to pause our default and choose a better-feeling alternative. It isn’t what happens that matters but rather, what [we make it] mean that matters. Change the meaning, change the feeling. 

…Reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts, and emotions to find more useful alternatives. It is a practical and valuable tool to shift perception, including your perception of yourself or others’ perceptions of themselves.

Think of reframing as putting on a different pair of glasses. What would you see if you put on a pair of sunglasses with a heavy tint when you were in a dark room? You would see shadows and dark forms you couldn’t identify. What would happen when you took off those glasses? You may see the most beautiful room in the world. When you switch your glasses, what you see changes. Reframing, mentally and linguistically, does the same thing. It changes the story you tell yourself about what happens.”

Now, back to Mr. Nobody. 

Marty decided that rather than be the scapegoat, he would use it to gain the upper hand. He reframed the situation for himself and used the hall to his advantage.  He brokered deals with his older siblings to take the blame (even if he didn’t do it), he brought snacks to share, he held the rest of us at bay until he was ready to confess, and he made it a joke with Dad. 

He reframed the blame we placed on him to improve his own story.  

We now look back at ‘sitting in the hall’ as an almost fond part of our childhood.  And we look to Marty as a master of reframing a situation.  He actually became a city planner – someone who’s literal job it is to rework things to everyone’s favor. 

I can’t wait to hear about the ways you’re reframing your stories. And if you need me, I’m here to help.  Just don’t make me sit on the floor.