For most of my childhood, our family spent a lot of summer evenings in the same picnic area up Millcreek Canyon.
There is a stream nearby, plenty of room for little ones to run around, and a spot that feels like ours, even though it belongs to everyone.
We try to still gather there as a family every year. Someone usually heads up early to claim the picnic area because we all know which one we’re hoping for.
In the olden days, my dad always brought what we called the “paper stove.”
He would pull it out of the box, assemble it, then set the grill grate on top of it. He would ball up maybe fifteen large newspaper sheets and place them in the bottom of the stove before lighting them with a match – at which time he would, without fail, remind us to keep our hands away from the sides (because they got hot!)
And then……..Presto! Somehow, a bunch of balled up newspaper turned into hamburgers.
I remember being a little fascinated by it.
I later figured out that the little stove of my youth needed five things working together:
fuel, heat, airflow, structure, and attention.
The newspaper served as fuel. The match provided heat. The stove itself created the structure. The openings allowed for airflow. And my dad supplied the attention – adjusting, checking, and tending to it until dinner was ready.
When one of those elements was missing or off, our picnic-site dinner took a turn for the worse.
After more than 35 years working with students, families, and coaching clients, I’ve noticed something about well-being. And I have a theory.
You’re the first to hear it.
I believe there are five elements that work together to facilitate our well-being.
And when one of them gets neglected for too long, we feel it. We may not recognize exactly what is missing, but we know something feels off. And left untended, things can definitely take a turn for the worse.
I like alliteration. So I’m calling these my five B’s of well-being.
BASIC (Caring for our physical needs.)
Good healthy food. Lots of water. Decent sleep. Regular movement. And sunlight.
These are the essentials that keep our bodies functioning well.
When our basic needs are depleted, everything else feels harder. Decisions take more effort. Emotions sit closer to the surface. Small problems feel bigger.
Sometimes the most caring thing we can do for ourselves is eat some lunch, go for a walk, or get to bed a little earlier.
BELONG (Investing in meaningful relationships.)
We need people.
We need conversations, shared experiences, support, and opportunities to contribute.
Research shows that our sense of belonging deepens when we participate in life with others – when we talk, listen, love, and look outside ourselves.
Even small moments of connection can remind us that we don’t have to carry life alone, and that those around us don’t either.
BLOOM (Engaging in something that keeps us energized.)
Every person needs something that brings them alive.
A hobby. An interest. A dream. A creative outlet. A cause.
Blooming happens when we spend time with something compelling enough to pull our attention away from our everyday worries and into curiosity, purpose, or enjoyment.
The activity or interest itself matters less than the feeling it creates.
We lose track of time.
We feel energized afterward.
We remember parts of ourselves that often can get buried under responsibilities.
BOLD (Pursuing challenges that help us grow.)
We also need something out of our comfort zone. A challenge or discipline that causes us to work and reach and grow.
This part of our well-being asks something of us.
It stretches our abilities and expands our confidence.
Bold can look like setting a goal, doing something unfamiliar, or sticking with something long enough to discover what the effort itself creates in us.
The goal is growth.
A life with no challenge can start to feel flat. A healthy challenge reminds us that we are capable of more than we realized.
BELIEVE (Anchoring ourselves in something bigger than us.)
Many people find strength in feeling that their life connects to something larger than themselves.
For a lot of us, that’s our religious faith.
For others, it’s nature, or the cosmos, or a sense of reason in the universe.
Belief gives us a place to stand when life feels uncertain. It helps us remember what matters most.
It anchors us.
Which of the B’s would make the biggest difference right now?
When I feel off, I start by asking myself that simple question.
Usually, the answer is there.
Basic.
Belong.
Bloom.
Bold.
Believe.
I can’t wait to hear which B resonates with you most – or which one tends to get put on the back burner. And if you’d like some help adjusting one of them, I’m right here.
PS I think one of my brothers ended up with the paper stove. I hope it makes a reappearance this summer at our special family spot.
PPS Happy Father’s Day! I’m especially grateful for a dad who quietly tended to a lot of fires in my life long before I really understood what he was doing.
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PPS If you liked this post – or any others, I’d love you to pass me and my work on to a friend. They can find out much more about me here if they’re interested!
