Last month I was given the opportunity to gather with a group of some of my past students and their families.  I had been their teacher in high school 20 years ago, so, if you’re doing the math, that makes them in their late thirties – older than I was when I was teaching them. 

We laughed and caught up and told stories.  Some of them told me stories of something I had said or done back in those days.  

And though I recognize that version of me, I think I’ve let go of some of the parts I really like about her.  Some parts I’d actually like to have back.  

One of my favorite singer/songwriters has a song with the line “I could use a little of who I was way back then.”

She’s talking about using some of her past anger, and while I don’t have a lot of anger in my past, I could use a little of my past self’s strengths in my current self’s life.  

Two of my clients this week referenced pictures of themselves as little children.  One saw a picture of her little-girl-self and remembered how happy and connected to her family she used to be.  One deliberately posted a childhood picture on her mirror to be reminded of her confidence, tenacity, and independence.

How can we meet some of those pieces of ourselves again?

Abigail Brenner, a private practice psychiatrist, suggests 5 ideas.  I’m combining my words and her words here for you. 

1. Acknowledge that you know yourself better than anyone else does. Ask yourself, “Without all of the roles and identities I’ve acquired in the course of living, Who am I? What did I used to want for myself? What do I want for myself now?”
2. Don’t let yours and others’ expectations limit you. Whatever your reason for limiting yourself, now is the time to revisit and rediscover those experiences, hopes, and desires that you’ve buried away. You may not be able to do everything you’d wished you’d done but anything that helps you feel more like you is worth exploring. 
3. Take some risks. Express yourself through your ideas, opinions, creativity, and individuality. Do things you’ve been afraid to do in the past for fear of failure, of being ashamed or embarrassed, of not being good enough. Embrace some spontaneity.
4. Surround yourself with people who value and respect who you are. Spend your time with people who lift you up. Question your relationships with those who give you a hard time or remain demanding of your attention and time. Let go of those people and things that no longer serve you.
5. Have a purpose.  It is such a good way to remind yourself of who you really are. Purpose is a symbol of what you’re doing, what you want to accomplish while you’re alive. Even if life gets in the way, and it will from time to time, having a purpose expresses that you’re here for that reason and that who you are is essential for accomplishing that bigger goal.

My past self was a little more generous with her time and resources. 

She was a little more light-hearted. 

She was a little more bold.

I’m excited to meet her again.  I’m hoping she can help me accomplish even more in the future.

I can’t wait to hear about the pieces of your past self that you might want to meet again.  And if you need help finding them, I’d love to help.