When summer started 4 months ago, one of the first things Darren and I did was go with all the kids – and their kids — to California.  

There were 12 of us together for several days and it was all we wanted it to be.  We loved every minute.

At the end of the trip, he and I were the last to leave. After doing a final walk through of the air b&b, we loaded up the rental car and headed up the coast to kill a little time before our flight. 

We ended up on a bench on a pier overlooking one of our favorite beaches, people watching.  

It didn’t take us long to notice – amidst a sea of people – a much older gentleman in his wetsuit, quietly surfing. 

He would go out just farther than most of the others, pay close attention to the waves behind him, and deliberately wait for several minutes until just the right wave came.  He would ride it in, navigating the people crowding the water, and seamlessly travel the entire way to the sand.  Then he would stand up, get back in the water, paddle way out, and do it again. 

We must have watched him for close to an hour.

Darren, a native Californian, tried to explain to me what the older man was waiting for. And we were both a little mesmerized by his ability to choose just the right wave with which to engage.

I have thought of him several times since that June day.  And here’s why.

Several of my clients – and the rest of us, for that matter – love to ask the question ‘why.’

“Why can’t I….. “ fill in the blank. 

‘Why can’t I …….save money….tell my neighbor no …lose weight…. break up with him….?  And on and on and on.

The simple answer? 

We’re bad at waiting.  We’re bad at riding the wave of desire. 

The seasonal stuff at Target is calling our name.

Telling the neighbor we need don’t want to be on that committee is too uncomfortable.

The donuts from that bakery only come around once in a while.

Starting over with a new guy seems excruciating.

Dr. Travis Bradberry says “Desire and distraction have the tendency to ebb and flow like the tide. When the impulse you need to control is strong, waiting out this wave of desire is usually enough to keep yourself in control. When you feel as if you must give in, the rule of thumb here is to wait at least 10 minutes before succumbing to temptation. You’ll often find that the great wave of desire is now little more than a ripple that you have the power to step right over.”

Waiting out the wave of desire is usually enough to keep yourself in control.

What does that look like, practically? I’m glad you asked.

Sometimes It means not buying the seasonal stuff from Target while you’re at the store. Instead, waiting until you’re home,  assessing your needs and funds, and then buying more intentionally online.

Sometimes It means not giving into the temptation to just tell your neighbor an automatic yes. Instead, telling her you’ll need to wait a few minutes to get back to her until you’ve had time to look at your schedule and can assess your current priorities.

Sometimes it means pushing through that initial urge to just mindlessly eat.  Instead, telling yourself that you can for sure have the donut, you’re just going to wait for those 10 minutes Dr. Bradberry suggests. 

Sometimes it means resisting the urge when you’re lonely to call the guy whose dorm room is lined with proverbial red flags. And instead, trusting yourself to wait for someone with whom you’re better suited. 

And sometimes it means making your way through a sea of often unfortunately dressed beach goers and quietly waiting on your board for just the perfect wave.

I can’t wait to hear about the ways you’re intentionally waiting.  And if you want some help figuring out how, I’m your girl.  I just won’t be getting in the water.