Seven years into my career at that middle school I’ve told you about, I decided to apply to work in a district closer to my (newly purchased) condo. As an educator in my state back then, you typically had a small window of time to switch districts in order to still be able to take your ‘years’ with you – usually somewhere between year 7 and year 10. It also didn’t hurt that my ‘home’ district paid better!
That spring I applied at the alternative high school a few blocks from my home and had an interview with their principal that I felt went well. I really, really wanted to work with that population and felt I’d be a good fit to start teaching in their program the upcoming fall.
In the meantime, somehow an assistant principal in my current district got wind of my work with at-risk students and contacted me. She had an at-risk program in her high school that had just gotten up and running and, as fate would have it, they needed a new teacher. Would I be interested in applying?
I hesitated. Wasn’t the whole point of this move to get into a district closer to home? And to make more money? On the other hand, what would it hurt to interview? After all, my paperwork was already prepared, and my mind was already open to the possibility of a change.
I still remember walking into her very comfortable and very inviting office. I remember her shaking my hand. I even remember what I was wearing. I remember being in awe of how smart she was. I remember feeling like I was meeting a wise older sister – she was comforting and instantly warm and genuinely interested in what I had to offer.
She walked me down to what would be my classroom and introduced me to some of the students.
I don’t remember anything she asked me or if I answered well because I was distracted with thinking “This was not the plan!”
I drove home after that interview and promptly had a little chat in the car with God. “Great,” I told Him. “Now I don’t know what to do! I want both of these jobs! What if, by some miracle, I’m offered both and I make the wrong choice!!!” I decided, during that little chat, that it was better for Him to decide. So I copped out. For real. I said “I’ll tell you what. I’m going to take the first job that’s offered to me. If one is offered to me! So if You have a preference, it’s all on You.”
Looking back, I can clearly see that I didn’t trust myself with making the ‘right’ decision. One job made sense on paper. One job had inched its way into my little heart.
What I didn’t know then, that I try to help people with now, is that most of the time, there isn’t a ‘right’’ decision. There is just a decision.
We’re the ones who make it ‘right’.
Isn’t that good news?
Adam Grant wrote an article ten years ago about research he had found dealing with Maximizers – people who always look for the best option when making a decision, and Satisficers – people who choose an option that’s just good enough for them.
News flash: Maximizers can get stuck in whether they really chose the ‘best’ option and then ruminate about ‘if only’ scenarios. Searching for the ‘best’ choice actually makes them less happy. Satisficers, on the other hand, more easily take the first acceptable option and, Grant says, “they’re usually happier with their choices as a result.”
He advises that we might want to go ahead sometimes and take Ellen Langer’s advice to heart, “Don’t make the right decision; make the decision right.”
Turns out, I kept my promise with God and took the first job offered to me – and I stayed there for 15 years. That smart and comforting and warm and genuinely interested assistant principal? Her name is Mary and she has been my mentor and dear friend for 25 years now. She is still one of my very best cheerleaders. In fact, she reads this blog every week, without fail. (Hi Mary!)
That job in that district was not the job I set out to get. But I went all in. I gave that job – and those students – my heart. And, cliché as it sounds, it changed my life.
The other job was offered to me a few days later – and, like the satisficer I didn’t even know I was! – I said no without a second thought.
“You’ll face plenty of win-win choices in your life,” Mr. Grant writes, but “the quality of the decision you make will be determined not by picking the ‘right’ one, but by the actions you take post-decision to make the most of it.”
I can’t wait to hear about how you’re making the most of your decisions, about the Marys you meet because of them. They just might change your life.
And if you need help, I’m here for you!
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