In case you haven’t been paying attention, I love Taylor Swift. 

Do I agree with absolutely everything she says and does? Probably not.  But I love her.   I love her music, her lyrics, her capacity for change, her loyalty to her friends and her collaborators and to causes she believes in, her business savvy, her love for her fans, and her dedication to her family.  And this fall I have loved watching her – via the internet and social media and the NFL – fall in love with Travis Kelce. It has been one of my very favorite things.

I’m a sucker for a good love story.  I have been living one of my own.  And ironically, this fall, I’ve also watched a client of mine fall in love. 

It has been beautiful and big and beyond belief for her to find this calm and comforting and confident man she thought might not exist for her. 

And has it been easy?  I’d love to say yes. 

I bet we all know the answer is no.  Falling in love – real love – is rarely without some hiccups. 

Their natural energy is not exactly the same.

(She is a ‘go-go-go getter’ and he is a ‘let’s. just. not. be. in. such. a. hurry.’)

Their temperament toward decision making is not exactly the same. 

(She knows what she wants and goes after it and he would like to think it through – possibly ‘til 2 months from Tuesday.) 

Their reaction to chaos and unexpected events is not exactly the same. 

(She gets a little more wound up and anxious and he has a composure that allows him to be very level-headed in a crisis.)

Because of these differences, he is a great compliment to her natural strengths and helps her fill in gaps where she might be lacking.  

And also because of these differences, there are occasions where she has not shown up as her best self.  

Discussions get messy and muddled.  Conversations get cloudy and critical. 

I bet none of us can relate to that. (a-hem.)

Hara Estroff Marano quotes research by Hendrix and Hunt which explains that it’s possible for 

my client and her partner to experience a wider range of emotions and become more tolerant of stress than they were before they were together.  Great news!

To do it – the ‘wider emotions’ and the ‘more tolerant of stress’ thing –  they each would need to:

• identify what triggers anxiety in them
• connect their experiences to what they’re making them mean about themselves
• integrate what they’re thinking with what they’re feeling
• put these thoughts and feelings into words

She says, “All of these skills involve connecting aspects of the self that used to be separate from each other. And linking information and feeling improves not only psychological functioning but also physiological functioning. It reduces [in the body] the perception of stress when discussing difficult topics.”

I can’t wait to hear about how you’re experiencing a wider range of emotions and becoming more tolerant of stress.  Do you have questions about what that looks like for you? I’d love to help. 

I hope Taylor and Travis got the memo.  

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