I wrote part of this post last week in small step snippets and over multiple hours with the help of the dictation tool on my computer because for several days of said last week I was more sick than I can ever remember being in my life.

Being sick is not something that happens often for me –  probably because of all that immunity I built up being a school teacher. 

And this last time I found myself being very, very frustrated about it. 

It wasn’t the kind of sickness where I could actually lay around for a couple days and get a few ‘quiet’ things done – reading, emails, work, writing, etc..     

No. 

It was the kind of sickness where I could do nothing – seriously, nothing – but lay in a dark room and pray my body would heal and the room would quit spinning.

I had to miss out on things I wanted to participate in and I had to cancel things that I really, really didn’t want to cancel. One of them, ironically, was a lesson in my church community last Sunday that I was supposed to fascilitate about Christlike poise. And, truth be told, I definitely was not exhibiting Christlike poise. (Just ask Darren!)

Did I mention I was frustrated?

Brad Stulberg says “In the face of undesirable thoughts, feelings, or circumstances, many people succumb to the same reactions …: denial, wishful thinking, or resistance. Now, the first two tactics are obviously unhelpful, but resistance might seem like a different story. After all, what’s the alternative? Just accepting things the way they are?

Well, yes – but that doesn’t mean passive resignation. It just means acknowledging the reality of a problem in a calm, non reactive, neutral manner. The more neutral, the better.”

He goes on to say, “Take a page from an ancient Buddhist parable and think about it this way: If you’re experiencing a negative thought, feeling, or event, it’s as if you’ve already been pierced by one arrow. But if you react to it with another negative thought or feeling, you’re shooting yourself with a second arrow, making the injury even worse.

These negative thoughts and feelings often hinge on the idea that things shouldn’t be the way they are. … Instead of saying, ‘I should be doing this differently’, try, ‘I want to do this differently’. And instead of saying, ‘This shouldn’t be happening’, try, ’I wish this wasn’t happening.’

That way, you’re not just unproductively gnashing your teeth about your situation. Instead, you’re calmly acknowledging it – along with your desire to do something about it. That’s not resignation; that’s preparing for action.”

So, about midway through the depths of that illness last week, I decided to quit gnashing my teeth about it. I took a little more charge of my brain. I decided to reframe the illness I was experiencing and instead of thinking I shouldn’t be having it, I chose not to shoot a Second Arrow of Frustration. 

I simply said to myself “‘I sure wish this wasn’t happening. But it is. So now what?”  I made every single one of my cancellations, I got back into bed, and I breathed into it.  I stopped unproductively gnashing my teeth.

And, as predicted, it became a lot easier to endure.  People were lovely about it, Darren was a champion caregiver, and I let all the frustration go. 

I can’t wait to hear if there is a second arrow in your life that is causing you some trouble.  And if you’ve decided to pull it out, I’d love to help.

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