Every so often I have a client who is struggling with knowing themselves – really knowing themselves.  

Maybe they haven’t spent a lot of time lately listening to themselves, or really looking at themselves, or taking care of their own needs. Maybe they’ve been caught up in the needs of a spouse, partner, child, parent, roommate, employer or dog. Maybe they’ve been on autopilot, and the mess of daily life has taken them away from their knowing. 

Or maybe, just maybe, they’ve been listening to the feedback and voices of others so much and so often that their own has been quieted. 

Several weeks ago, I was working with one of those clients and, as a first step, I decided to give her an exercise about her shoes. She was skeptical at first, but as part of the exercise I asked her to go through every pair of shoes in her closet – every pair – and pull out the ones that made her really feel like herself. 

Not the ones she bought just because they were on sale or the ones someone else had so she bought some, too, or the ones that hurt every time she wears them but she keeps them anyway. No. Not those. 

I wanted her to pull out the ones SHE loves, the ones her future self – the confident woman that loves and adores herself – wears. The shoes that make her feel like her. 

Shoes, it turns out, are strongly tied to our identity. 

In fact, Sabrina Maddeaux says “footwear has far more to do with identity and expression than mere function….We have a long history of using shoes as a communication tool to tell the world who we are, and in turn, we learn a lot about a person from the shoes they wear.” 

It would follow that we can also learn a lot about ourselves. 

In the 80s I wore Tretorn tennis shoes. None of my sisters or my friends wore them so I’m not sure why – probably because I loved Bjorn Borg and maybe just because no one else wore them.  But I distinctly remember the feeling I had while wearing them.  I felt like me.  

I had 3 white pairs with the distinct Tretorn marking in red, blue and green.  And even a hightop pair with pink markings. Eventually they wore out and that brand became harder and harder to find.  I moved on to other ‘identity’ shoes ….. shoes or boots that I still like to wear on days when I really need to feel like myself. 

Last week Darren and I were in Nordstrom Rack just looking around and I spied a lone pair of classic nylite Tretorns in my size.  Powder blue with white Tretorn markings.  I didn’t even hesitate to grab them.  I already knew they would feel just like me. 

I can’t wait to hear what your shoes tell you about you. 

https://www.tretorn.fr/tretorn_journal/celebrating-icons-wearing-icons