When Darren was growing up as the youngest of 4 fairly competitive siblings, he decided to pour a lot of his effort and teenage energy into practicing racquet sports.  If a sport used a racquet, he would play, and he particularly loved tennis and racquetball.  

Through some connections of his dad’s he gained access to professional players in those sports. He spent hours and hours and hours practicing with these people – people far more talented and far more technically skilled than he was.  And along the way he leaned into his own talent and honed his technical skills. 

I could brag about his determination and drive, his acumen and ability, but what I really want to tell you about is the kind of confidence that came from his humility in this area.  

The humility he had in playing with those pros who were SO much better than he was – and to get beaten time and time again – led to the confidence he still has in knowing it’s ok to mess up and not be the best.  He can handle it.  He built up a security in his ability to feel any emotion about his playing – all the highs and all the lows. 

Ironically, because of that, he has been the victor in just about every tennis, racquetball, squash, ping pong, and pickleball game he’s played since.  The proving of himself, the mistakes, the frustration, the losing that he went through with those pros made him every bit of a pro at handling all of it in return.  

A few months ago I heard Jody Moore talk about confidence and humility being related.  She said being humble is being that person who admits when they need help, who asks for help, who apologizes, who can acknowledge their shortcomings.  And you know what you have to have in order to show up as that genuinely humble person?  Yep.  Confidence.  

Confidence is embracing all of you – focusing on your strengths, Yes! AND also embracing and understanding and welcoming all of your weaknesses. 

Darren tells the story of a friend from his college years who found out Darren played racquetball.  This friend, we’ll call him Dan, was certain he could beat Darren.  He relentlessly taunted and teased Darren about their upcoming match.  Darren was calm as a cucumber and humble as could be about it because a) he didn’t have any idea how good Dan was and knew there were players out there (albeit pros!) that were better than he was and b) sometimes it’s ok to let someone just believe they have the upper hand.  

I’m sure you can see where this is going. 

In the match, Darren, seeing Dan’s actual ability, was kind.  He could have beat him handily and stopped every point, but instead he let Dan feel like he could stay in the game.  Don’t get me wrong, Darren definitely made sure to win, he just wasn’t a jerk about it.  Real confidence doesn’t have to be a jerk. 

Jody is convinced – and I’m convinced with her – that from humility and confidence we are capable of extraordinary changes in our lives and in our day-to-day experience.  From confidence and humility we get to enjoy being with ourselves and we get to be more connected in our relationships.  And we get to give ourselves – and the people around us – the permission to be more real.

So, in the spirit of confidence and humility, I will tell you that among the things I’m most HORRIBLE at is racquet sports – and anything with hand-eye coordination (or any kind of coordination, really).  

But I am continually practicing at getting better and better at being a counselor and a life coach. I’ve worked to have some confidence in myself in that specific area. 

I can’t wait to hear about your confidence AND your humility.  All of it.  I’m sure I will love your strengths and your shortcomings.  I’m working on loving all of mine.  And of course, if you need help with either of them, I’m your gal.  

Just don’t ask me to play pickleball.

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