For 18 years of my single life, I lived on the bottom floor of a two-story, six-unit condo complex. It was the first home I purchased, and I loved it. I chose the bottom floor because it made it easy to take my dog out for her walks. The only catch? I was at the mercy of the noise from the neighbors who lived above me.

Over the years, I had all kinds of upstairs neighbors: quiet, keep-to-themselves neighbors. Loud, football-watching neighbors. “Is that baby ever going to sleep?” neighbors. “Yikes! Should I call the police?” neighbors. “Do you have a cup of sugar?” neighbors. Some came and went quickly, some stayed for years, and every single one of them brought their own kind of noise.

And not once – not one single time – did anyone ask me who I thought should move in upstairs. 

I had zero control over something that, depending on the day, impacted my life quite a bit.

But what I did have control over was how much attention I gave it.

The more I made my neighbors a problem I had to solve, the more frustrated, irritated, and restless I felt in my own space. But when I accepted that some noise was just part of the living arrangement, I found I had more energy to focus on things that actually made my life better.

My best solution during that time was always acceptance.

Emily Hu, PhD, says this: “Acceptance is an active choice that you’re making in the moment to cope with a feeling that you don’t want, but that you can’t do anything else about right now. Instead of letting a difficult emotion take over your focus, attention, and precious mental bandwidth, you are instead choosing to step back and make space for the feeling to coexist with you so that you can use your time and energy for something more productive.”

I think about that condo every time I talk to a client about anxiety – or worry, or sadness, or any emotion that wants to make a little too much noise.

Sometimes these emotions feel like they show up out of nowhere. You wake up with a tightness in your chest or a pit in your stomach. No specific reason, no obvious cause. And when that happens, your brain might offer, “This shouldn’t be happening. Is this going to last forever? I need to figure this out. I need to make it stop!”

But what if we didn’t focus on making the emotion stop?
What if we treated emotions the way I treated those upstairs neighbors?

What if we stopped trying to change the circumstance and instead just let those neighbors exist upstairs – noisy, maybe annoying, but not in charge of how we spend our day?

How do we not let a noisy emotion run the show? Great question.

Instead of trying to fix or fight the feeling, here are a few things we can do when a noisy emotion moves in upstairs:

• Name it. You could say, “Oh hey, anxiety’s loud right now,” or “Worry is stomping around today.” Naming it can create just enough space to stop it from taking over.
  
• Try not to engage with it. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to invite it in. You just have to let it be there and let it go about its business upstairs.
  
• Redirect yourself gently. What’s one small thing you can do right now in your own space? Start the laundry. Take a short walk. Text a friend. You don’t need to feel better before you move forward.
  
• Remind yourself that this is just noise upstairs. It might be loud, but it’s not you. It’s not your whole story. It’s just part of the living arrangement today.

Name it.
Don’t engage with it.
Redirect yourself.

Remember it’s just noise.

I can’t wait to hear about what helps you when your upstairs emotions get noisy. And if you need help figuring out how to live with yours a little more peacefully, I’m your gal.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

PS If you liked this post – or any others, I’d love you to pass it on to a friend.  They can subscribe here if they’re interested!