“But what do I say if someone asks?”
This is something I have heard many, many, many times.
The person asking me wants to know what to say when someone asks them “What are you doing after high school?” or “Is it true that you broke up with him?” or “What are you going to do with that major?” or “What happened to your Dad?” or “Are you going on a mission?” or “Are you dating anyone?” or “When are you having more kids?” or “What are you doing now that the kids are all gone?” or A MILLION other questions that put them on the spot.
My answer goes like this:
There are (at least) two different kinds of people asking us those personal questions.
The first type are what I’m calling the curious askers. These people are making small talk, gathering information, or just satisfying their curiosity. These askers are eager to know something about you for THEIR own reasons.
Since it’s about them being curious, you have the option to be curious in return. Great news!
This could sound like:
“Thank you for asking! Can you tell me why you’re interested?” or maybe
“Thank you so much for being curious about that. For now I’d like to keep my thoughts about it to myself. I’m sure you understand.”
You get to kindly protect your information, if you choose.
The second type are what I’m calling the caring askers. These people genuinely want to know the answer because they care about YOU. They want to offer help or comfort or advice or excitement. These askers are wanting to know something about you because it’s you – and you’re important to them.
Since it’s about them caring about you, you have the option to be caring in return. Also great news!
This could sound like giving them an honest and authentic answer to their question – however brief or detailed you feel at the time – and then letting them give the peace or support or feedback or enthusiasm your answer calls for.
You get to be open to their care, if you choose.
We are all going to get asked personal questions at times. We still get to be the boss of how we answer them. I can’t wait to hear about how you’re answering yours!
