I woke up Monday with a scratchy throat. Not a great development for me on a coaching day, but I told myself “I feel fine. I FEEL FINE, dang it!”- like I usually do when I need to power through something.

SO, I powered through my morning clients just fine. But by the afternoon, I could tell my voice was not going to hold up. My late afternoon clients could barely hear me. And I had to cancel my later evening clients.

Do you know what I really, really hate doing? Canceling clients.

I told myself Tuesday would be better; it wasn’t a client day, I could just whisper all day. It would be fine. IT WOULD BE FINE, dang it!

It wasn’t fine.

It was worse.

And whispering wasn’t helping my voice at all.

By noon I had absolutely no voice and I knew I would have to cancel all of Wednesday’s clients, too.

Turns out, whispering actually didn’t help my voice at all. In fact, it made it worse.

According to the University of Texas, “some people [a-hem] might think that whispering rather than trying to make use of our vocal cords might speed recovery of a hoarse voice. It might feel like we need to exert less force and strain on our vocal cords. … [But] Research shows that whispering can actually be as hard on your vocal cords as shouting.

Our vocal cords consist of three layers, and we experience hoarseness when the middle, gel-like layer becomes swollen or inflamed. When we whisper, we squeeze our vocal cords more tightly, which might contribute to strain, especially when they are inflamed. This squeezing, combined with the fact that whispering does not vibrate our vocal cords, can also lead to [more] vocal cord irritation from dryness.”

Hmm.

Something I thought was helping was actually doing more damage. And not just a little more damage – it made everything worse.

Sometimes we do that, right? We “whisper” through our relationships, tiptoeing around hard conversations, or saying yes when we really mean no – all because we think it will keep the peace or make things better. But, that kind of softening can sometimes lead to bigger problems down the road.

Maybe it’s saying “yes” to one more task or shift at work, even though you’re already overwhelmed. Or agreeing to a plan with friends when you’d rather stay home.  Or ignoring the comment he made, even though you can’t stop thinking about it.  It seems harmless, but it might be chipping away at your well-being, your authenticity, your relationships.

Here’s the truth: “Whispering” might seem easier at the moment, but speaking up – calmly, kindly, but firmly – is what truly makes things better.

Why?

According to Calm.com, there are at least 5 reasons to speak up:

1. It boosts your confidence: Speaking up, even in small ways, can be empowering. Over time, you can cut down on feelings of self-doubt or insecurity. 
2. It improves relationships: By sharing your feelings honestly, you develop more trust and understanding with others, leading to stronger, more fulfilling personal and professional relationships.
3. It reduces stress: Keeping your thoughts or frustrations bottled up can lead to unnecessary stress and anxiety. When you speak up, you’re able to release that tension and address problems head-on.
4. It increases respect from others: People tend to respect people who are assertive and clear about their needs. When you express yourself honestly and directly, others are more likely to take you seriously and respect your boundaries.
5. It leads to personal growth: Speaking up requires practice and reflection. As you learn to voice your opinions and needs, you also learn more about yourself, what you value, and what you’re willing to stand for. This self-awareness promotes personal growth and helps you feel more grounded in your decisions.

I can’t wait to hear about the areas where you are deciding to quit whispering. 

And if you need help finding or strengthening your voice, I’d love to help. Let’s work together.  

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