For being a relatively healthy person overall, I have actually had a lot of surgeries. Some of them I categorize as “let’s dig around and fix some things up” – i.e. ovarian cysts, meniscus tear, hole in my heart, etc. – and some I categorize and “let’s just get this thing out of there” – i.e. salivary glands, gallbladder, dysplasia-ed hip.
No matter the type of surgery, and no matter who’s there at the hospital with me, there is this moment when I’m gowned up and on a cold table and waiting for anesthesia – alone and a little scared.
I don’t love it.
So I am always so relieved when I come to and find myself there in the recovery room with someone I love and trust. Immediate comfort. Especially since I have a history of not responding to anesthesia super well and usually wake up foggy and nauseous.
During one of the “let’s just get this thing out of there” surgeries several years ago, I was accompanied to the hospital by my cute mom. At the time, my dad couldn’t be left alone for long so I had asked my sister Jeri to come and spell her.
By now you know I have seven sisters. Yes, seven. And six of them are still here on earth with me. The youngest of them, Jeri, is 14 years my junior in age, but leap years ahead of me in many, many, many things. Three of them being efficiency, resourcefulness, and charisma.
What I remember of that day is this: I was in a hospital room with my mom after the surgery. The nausea was not getting better and I kept vomiting (sorry!) so they moved me to my own room in anticipation of having to keep me there.
When Jeri arrived, mom did not want to leave but Jeri insisted.
As soon as mom left Jeri came to my bedside, held my hand, and said “What do you need?”
I – tearfully, I’m sure – said “I. need. to. go. home.”
Well, I wish you could have been there to see what happened next.
Jeri just walked out of the room and across the corridor to the nurses station, asked for my nurse, and calmly but firmly (like a drill sergeant – but nice) said “My sister is going home. Today. I would like to know exactly what benchmarks you need her to reach so that the doctor will have no problem releasing her.”
“No throwing up for 2 hours? Ok. What else?”
This interaction went on for a couple minutes and as she turned to come back into the room, she had a smile and a nod for me and in that moment, I knew I would be going home that day. I was – so, so gratefully – in good hands.
Not all love looks the same. Some people express love through affection and emotional support (and, to be clear, Jeri does that too) but Jeri, more naturally, shows it through action and problem-solving. Her efficiency was her way of saying, “I care about you enough to take charge and make this better.”
The good news? We all have a way of loving that is natural to us.
There’s the person who makes sure things are done the best way to help us thrive – whether it’s setting up the perfect workspace or organizing the family schedule so everyone’s needs are met. Love from them says “I care about you enough to make things better, not just for you, but for everyone.”
There’s the person who senses when we’re struggling and shows up with thoughtful gestures – whether it’s bringing our favorite soda, sending a comforting text, or offering a listening ear just when we need it most. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to always notice your needs.”
There’s the person who isn’t afraid to sit with us in our hardest emotions – offering presence and understanding when we feel lost, unseen, or overwhelmed. They remind us that even in our darkest moments, we’re not alone. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to be with you exactly where you are, no matter how hard it feels.”
There’s the person who quietly equips us with the knowledge or tools we need – whether it’s researching options for a problem we’re facing or providing practical advice when we feel stuck. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to find the answers you need – even if you don’t ask.”
There’s the person who helps us feel secure in every circumstance – whether it’s double-checking plans, offering reassurance, or standing by us no matter what. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to make sure you know I have your back.”
There’s the person who takes our dreams and turns them into actionable plans – helping us map out exciting possibilities and creating pathways to make them happen, all while staying flexible and positive and brave. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to plan for what’s possible and help you be excited about it.”
There’s the person who advocates for us with strength and determination – standing up to others on our behalf or creating boundaries that ensure our safety and well-being. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to fight for what’s best for you.”
And there’s the person who creates harmony and comfort for us – whether it’s diffusing tension, answering our questions just right, or quietly supporting us in our choices. Love from them says, “I care about you enough to make sure your world can feel calm and steady.”
Martin Luther King, Jr said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”
Love – that day, for me – was found in the person who rolled up her sleeves, asked the right questions, and got things done.
I slept in my own bed that night.
I can’t wait to hear about how you’re finding – and more importantly, offering – your love.
And if you need help figuring out your natural love language, I’d love to be of assistance.
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PS For all you Enneagram followers, yes, Jeri is a 3.
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PPS If you liked this post – or any others, I’d love you to pass it on to a friend. They can subscribe here if they’re interested!
