One of my very favorite Christmas movies is You’ve Got Mail. And right now you’re saying “Sally, that’s not a Christmas movie” — but stick with me.
I asked the internet what elements make a movie qualify as a Christmas movie and here’s what it gave me:
- The story is set during the Christmas season and the timing matters to the plot.
- Christmas traditions or rituals are shown (decorating, gift-giving, gatherings, music).
- Themes of connection, reconciliation, generosity, or renewal are central.
- Winter or holiday imagery is visually present.
- Characters experience some form of emotional shift or softening by the end.
- The movie evokes a sense of warmth, nostalgia, or togetherness.
Now, I admit that #1, arguably the most “important” one, is a stretch. But all the others are 100% there.
I love You’ve Got Mail for my own reasons:
- It’s set in New York City, specifically, the upper west side of Manhattan, a neighborhood I know and love.
- It is clean (PG!) and comforting.
- Its soundtrack is Perfect. With a capital P.
- Meg Ryan’s wardrobe is also Perfect.
- And It has all my required “favorite” movie elements: a good story, some believable but not trope-y best friends, a little humor, a little romance, and a happy ending.
But it also has something that so, so, so many movies don’t have: believable dialogue.
Nora Ephron, the director and co-writer on the film, paid close attention to how people actually talk to each other, especially in close relationships.
She shaped dialogue around cadence, timing, and interruption, letting lines feel slightly unfinished or overlapped, the way real conversations sometimes do. Sentences often trail, pivot, or respond indirectly, which creates a sense of ease and familiarity rather than performance.
She also used short, natural phrasing and everyday language, avoiding lines that sounded overly “written.” Much of the humor and warmth that I love comes from pace and delivery, not from standout quotable lines. Characters reveal themselves through rhythm — how quickly they respond, what they skip over, and what they linger on.
Ephron was known for reading dialogue out loud while writing, even adjusting punctuation and line breaks to control breath and timing. The way she did this helped actors land lines in a way that felt much more natural and intimate, especially in scenes meant to feel really casual or quietly revealing rather than super dramatic.
There are big differences for us between what is clever or dramatic or performed and what is more real and natural and true.
In Conversation
Sometimes we reach for a sentence that sounds good instead of saying what’s actually true for us in that moment. When we slow down and speak from where we really are, conversations tend to feel easier and more connecting, even if the words come out a little messy.
In Relationships
In our closest relationships, trying to respond the “right” way can create more distance than we intend. Speaking simply and honestly often helps our people feel steadier with us, even when we don’t have the perfect response.
In Self-talk
Our brains tend to build very convincing stories that sound dramatic or urgent. When we bring things back to what’s actually happening right now, our inner voice often softens and feels more supportive. True narratives sound simpler and more grounded, and often bring relief.
In Apologies and Repair
When something goes wrong, it can be tempting to explain or justify so we’re understood. Naming what happened clearly and taking responsibility often does more to repair the moment than a well-crafted explanation.
I can’t wait to hear about the ways you’re trying to choose real over performative. Especially during this season. And if you need any assistance with it, I’d be happy to be a helper.
PS You’ve Got Mail was released in theaters on December 18, 1998. So yes — the studio clearly agreed with me. Christmas movie!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
PPS If you liked this post – or any others, I’d love you to pass me and my work on to a friend. They can find out much more about me here if they’re interested!
